A Bad Witness

Last night before I went to sleep, I was reading the Bible. I always expect to receive some revelation of the wisdom of God (as God promises His work will never return void), but as I read it I received nothing in regards to the text I was reading; however God was speaking to me as He was keeping my mind distracted with a phone conversation I had earlier, He reminded me that as I was sharing my family issues with a friend that my witness to her in regards to my parenting did not reflect Him through my life. He was pretty clear and He was very repetitious about it, in fact I had to put the Bible down and give Him my attention. He promises that “if you seek to find Him, He will answer” and for me He always reveals Himself, but in ways I don’t expect. I wonder if I will ever get use to that.

Now about my witness to my friend as a mother and as a child of God myself; first of all I love God with all my heat, soul and mind. I seek Him all day long and He is growing me inside-out on a daily basis as He reveals Himself to me, this is the easy part. Living out the life these revelations are much more difficult and I profess that I struggle and fail many times before I receive victory.

The first revelation I am reminded of is that I often forget that He is a loving God and that He cares about everything I am going through, even moment by moment. As I write this the kids are in the room below me having a gloriously time and I can hear every noise, laughter, bang, jump, door open and slam shut and I ask God to help me deal with this from His point of view, to give me a new heart like His, to calm my spirit and to give me the peace He promises. I confess that my current attitude and my expectation of the kids are anger, frustration and irritation, all attributes not of God.

I ask God to give me a new heart, one like Jesus who is my witness of Himself. I ask that He send His Holy Spirit to come and be with me and to show me His way. I confess I am incapable of changing this ugly heart of mine. I trust that He will answer because He promises to never leave nor forsake those who love and obey Him.

The second revelation is that Satin does his best to keep me from crying out to God in prayer over these small but large issues. I know that all things are possible for those who love and trust and call upon His name and that prayer is where the war of the soul takes place and the battle is won. I am reminded that if Satin can keep me from going to God and praying for the power of His Holy Spirit to intervene in and through me, Satin wins. So… through this letter, I pray to God to help me get through this day, to sift my speech when talking to the kids, to put on kindness and love which is the glory of God and to take every unkind thought to Him and lay it at His feet.

Tomorrow will be another battle as Satin will yet again do what ever it takes to keep me from my Father in heaven to depend on God for all my needs, even though I know any effort on my part (running solo) to solve my issues on my own is doomed for failure, I know because I have tried. I ask for God to forgive me for my behavior towards the kids, my poor witness of who He is in my life, and my lack of faith in Him to provide for my needs. Lord please, continue to shine your light upon me, to rescue me in my time of need. You are always faithful every time I call upon You.

Thank you Lord for your answer to my prayer; as I am listening to what the kids are doing they are quieter and content. In Jesus name, Amen!